why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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