I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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