I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
