your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
