i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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