Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
