Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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