Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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