Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
