I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
