he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
