I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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