Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
