the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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