Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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