alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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