We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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