how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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