My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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