the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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