I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
