brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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