I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
