coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
