Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize