I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
