Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
