if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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