so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
