I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
