So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
