I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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