I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
