Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
