he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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