I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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