I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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