Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
