Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
