I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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