Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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