There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
