a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
