my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
