he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
