Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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