happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
