If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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