Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
