Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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