found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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