When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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