So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
