I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
