So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
