Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
