Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
