I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Randomize
