i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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