So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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