Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
