i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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