Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
