i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So vagazzling was a success
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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