I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
