You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize