see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
