My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
