Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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