Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize