? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
