I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
