I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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