Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
